Reports of my non-sobriety have been greatly exaggerated

So this evening, whilst gallivanting about the nation's capital with a friend, I was feeling rather spry and lively. And perhaps a bit mischievous. I was texting Gladys about some of the events of the evening, and the following conversation ensued:

Robert: "We went to a bar. There were so many cute guys! I think I'm a little drunk."

Gladys: "Have you been drinking?!"

Robert: "I'm on my third. Or maybe fourth?"

Gladys: "Wow. Omg! That's so not fair that you decided to start after you left."

Now, as I said I was feeling a bit mischievous. I was, in reality, on my second Sprite, which had been preceded by one or two Cokes. No big surprise to anyone acquainted with my cola fetish. Although I've made drastic changes in my life in the last weeks, I think most would agree that beginning to drink at such a time of change is probably not best plan. Nor, in fact, something I ever plan on doing.

At this point Edgy began to send text messages as well commenting on my alcohol binge. I squinted. Perhaps he and Gladys were together?

I furthered my game a little bit with the following text:

Robert: "And I still have to drive home! Oh dear."

Gladys: "No! You had better not! Don't even think about it!"

At this point both Gladys and Edgy began sending me several text messages fearing for my life. I was quite enjoying the joke, but decided to end it. At the same time, I had been carrying on a conversation with Lips in which I suddenly received the following text:

Lips: "Where are you? Are you drinking?"

It was a rather odd reply to the previous text I'd sent her. I tooke the question to be her simply asking if I was doing ok, or rather if I was having a hard time. Normally I might have spread the joke a little more, but Lips and I have a strict no-practical-jokes rule. It was laid down long ago after a series of practical jokes we had played on each other had left us so pissed off that we couldn't talk to each other for a few days.

Robert: "Lol. No, actually I'm having fun and doing very well tonight. I'm with a new friend I met Sunday."

Lips: "Are you lying to me honey, cause I may have heard differently..."

Suddenly, I connected the dots and realized that my little joke with Gladys was quickly turning into the hottest gossip back home and was spreading like wild fire. I'd make page one of the newspaper if I didn't put out fires quickly. I quickly let Gladys know I was joking and asked if it had been spread already. I was promptly informed that I deserved all the crap I had and would get for that.

So, for those of you who may have heard I had a drunken binge of a night on the town, reports were GREATLY exaggerated. And actually, just to be safe, you may have heard some other sordid details associated with said story (which I've omitted in the re-telling), however please rest assured that these also were just further embellishments on my joke-turned-newsflash.